Have you ever caught yourself missing a past relationship or situation, only to remember later how frustrated or unhappy you often felt? That’s the power of rosy retrospection—a mental bias where the mind filters out the bad moments over time and amplifies the good ones. It’s easy to look back and assume things were better than they really were, simply because you’re no longer dealing with the day-to-day stress or conflict.
This bias can lead you to second-guess your decisions or wonder if you should have stayed in a situation that wasn’t actually right for you. In those moments, it’s crucial to ground yourself in reality by asking:
- If I was truly happy, why did I so often feel like I should have left?
- Were my needs truly met, or was I just hoping they would be in the future?
- Would I go back to living exactly as I was back then?
If the honest answers to these questions don’t suggest that the relationship (or experience) was a great fit, that’s your cue to trust your initial judgment. You likely made the decision to leave—or move on—for good reasons, even if you can’t feel those frustrations as strongly now.
It’s natural to miss the highlights; after all, we’re wired to recall positive memories. Just remember that looking back fondly can blur the lines between what was real and what you wish had been real.
By staying aware of rosy retrospection and actively checking your nostalgic impulses, you protect yourself from being pulled into a past that wasn’t really serving you. Let those filtered memories be a reminder of how far you’ve come, rather than an invitation to return to a situation that no longer fits who you are now.